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‘NOW’, The Present

This is the post excerpt.

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Now is the time. And this is the best time anytime. Only ‘now’ is the time over which you have got power. You have no power to change what is done, and no power to change what is inevitable. But you always have this very own, ‘NOW’.

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After wasting so many years in search of my passion, I still was nowhere. I gave random tests, some on internet, for some had to pay, prepare and then appear. But with no success. There was just this fire inside, to be known as someone yet scared of failures, to be recognized as a person yet feared to project the self, to do something which benefits everyone (yeah…I am that person who puts others before myself) but this time something really worth of.

Five years back I tasted death, when my second miscarriage happened. On hospital bed I was restless,” am I going to die so young?” I wondered. I have done nothing yet, nothing worthy of the education I was fortunate to have, I have not lived, not enough. I prayed, “please God give me another chance, just  one chance to be truly who I am and live as ‘me'”.  I wanted to set an example for the daughter I already had. And now I wanted to take care of myself too. I wanted to love myself, more and more, that someday when I die I don’t have regrets. There are dreams which I still need to pursue. And I would chase them till the end of my life, would accomplish them one by one.

Life is just once. Live it, love it, make it useful and enjoy.

We can only have what is today, rest is history and unseen.

 

Moments of joy

When their proud eyes are watery upon realizing that you are a warrior.

Each and everyone have their exclusive moments of joy, and mine is not when i held her the first time. It is actually yet to come.

Though it involves her but it isn’t about her, not making her succesful someone and be proud. But it is actually be ‘someone’, myself.

Me being  awarded for my achievements, on stage. And she looking at me from the audience, with moistened eyes.

And that is our shared moment of joy, an exclusikve one for both of us.

Word count: 100

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Masters of Writing Flash Fiction Challenge, Week 17

Missing you

When you are not here, I miss ‘you’

I miss ‘each’ and ‘everyone’, close.

When you are here, its like ages

I haven’t met ‘myself’.

With whom I am happy? Me or you?

I don’t know.

Who I love?

I don’t know.

I just know I am living,

living in the present.

Sad or happy, or confused,

whatever it be.

I am finally living it.

when pain is the ink…

When you are writing and pain is the ink

Your palm is your paper!

What you are writing can’t be read,

It’s invisible.

As salty it could be,

Colourless that ink.

With every drop you write.

And erase

By rubbing it together,

Your palm with your eyes,

For what’s already been written.

But these eyes want to write

Even more

For they are the mighty

Or mightier someday

Than the sword!

Because they write

And they erase…

Torn between

She is original, vibrant, happy…

She is fake, dull, sad..

And i am torn between her and her!

Whom to choose?

Why cant i have both coz one is submissive,

And it feeds my ego..

Gives me a hormonal boost when i can shout on her, disgrace and disregard he..aha.

But the other, to her i could be vulnerable..

Cz she is strong, she can imbibe my sadness as she has none…

Conflicted me wants to have both…

Sometimes i just want to punish myself for the mistakes i made..i had a dream..i didn’t protect it..that dream reflected the actual me, gave me hopes,and made me feel alive. But i ruined it! I shared it with someone i wanted to share everything with. That someone became my life and still is but the person, me is lost. I am not who i am. Yet with a plastic sword i am fighting all my battles. Rejoicing atleast the fact i am not killing anyone else. But i guess the grip is sharp, cutting me deep. So i want somtime to end it for all. Punish me .

Quest of self

Dragged on thorns of egos, i lost myself

Then i found a purpose..

He was dying, yet alive

And i wanted to make sure he lives each day and more number of the days..

No one ever had control on death, the truest in this world..

And so he breathed his last one day

The most unusual day for me it was..

Because that day the sense of me got awakened…

What nik..what were you doing..he died and someday you will too…so when ,

When will you live?